Dear Sir

A friend sent this to me - it was too good not to share:

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders

Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely, BP

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985

Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton

Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely, Jack

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
Sincerely, Shakespeare

Dear Soccer Fans,
B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!
Sincerely, Vuvuzelas

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God

Dear Rubik's Cube,
Done!
Sincerely, Colorblind

Dear Santa,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods

Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can't. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio

Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man.
All you had to do was wake up.
Sincerely, Mulan

Dear Romeo,
My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...
Sincerely, Juliet

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed

Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast

Dear Edward,
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake

Dear Prince Charming,
You've got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

Know what you do, do what you know

Making stuff and selling stuff are two different things. Writing software and selling software are worlds apart. As is shooting a movie and trying to get it distributed.

We all know that expression "it's not what you know, but who you know". When it comes to getting your product out there, often an introduction to a high-level gatekeeper is more valuable than gold. But having the door opened for you is one thing; knowing then how to handle the situation once that lever is pulled is another thing all together. I mean, you can introduce a mate to the coolest chick, and he can still stuff it up - a bit of guidance can go a long way!

On the Material movie journey we are getting an overwhelming response from the test screenings that we have been doing. And what is occupying my time and energy in the late hours of the night has to do with getting the film distributed on the international front. This makes the film production look like a walk in the park.

We are fortunate to have some powerful friends there to help. Some serious doors are being opening for us. But, this is just the start. Once we are in the lion's den then we better be prepared. And this is where it pays to get someone on board who knows the terrain.

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

BEER, FISHING, SEX & GOLF

A friend sent this to me - it was too good not to share:

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

The basics

I am going to state the obvious: without the fundamentals we are nowhere.

Yes, this is indeed obvious, so how come then, we so often forget this, or, purposefully neglect it. Take movies as an example. A film with pretty pictures and a crap script/story should be a photo gallery instead. And a burnt pizza, with delicious toppings should rather be a salad. You get the idea. The fundamentals have to be in place, otherwise you are nowhere. On our movie example, who cares about pretty pictures if the film is boring.

Of course, in the movie case, pretty pictures add to compelling story telling, but stunning images and flat characters does not amount to a good movie. This is like having a great knife and fork and a shit meal.

So, how come again, here in South Africa, do people always go on about the photography in local movies. No one sees an American film and goes "Crap film, but I loved the photography". The reason we go on about the great photography in the film is because the rest of the film was crap. Imagine a comment like "Well shot kak movie" - ja, right.

We are now two months away from finishing the Material movie, and yes, it is beautifully shot. But, that won't make the movie work. I hope our fundamentals are spot on - I think we are on track, but we won't know until you tell us. Soon soon ...

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

Bad news

A friend sent this to me – it was too evil not to share:

This guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.

There are two sheriff's deputies there and he asks if there is a problem.

One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can they see a picture of his wife.

The guy says "sure" and shows them a photo of his wife.

The sheriff says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook."

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

Missing some cells ... ?

Have you ever dialed the wrong cell number by mistake. Of course you have - we all do this every now and then. And so, you realize it is a wrong number and you stop the call and punch in the correct number and try again. But then, just as you are trying to call the number you wanted to dial in the first place, you get a call from the wrong number you tried with some guy going "You just called me - what do you want?"

Are people really that bored and that crazy. This is like somone who calls me and doesn't leave a message and goes "Why didn't you call me back". Hey, leave a message like a normal person - I get many missed calls - I don't sit there and go through my list of missed calls.

Just now you will ask me to put a surveillance camera outside my house, and everyone who knocks on my door while I am out, I must then go and visit. WTF?!

All this technology is making us stupider and crazier.

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

Too sweet for words ...

A friend send me this to watch - it is a special clip on YouTube of Robbie Firmin from Britain's Got Talent 2011 audition.

It is a must see - it will warm your heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMNTlPa4Xi8&feature=relmfu

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

Valentine's next year will be Material

The diamond is starting to shine through. We are chipping away and polishing like mad men. Yeah, it is definitely starting to sparkle.

We will be finished with the film by the middle of September. The picture will be "locked" from" the 18th of July, and then, in those 8 weeks that follow the sound and music will be worked on. If all goes according to plan/schedule, we will be ready to test the film, in a cinema, with a full audience, by the end of September.

We have nailed down a release date, and we are looking at mid February.

Start your engines!

PS - check this out : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LjazOxV3vM

Posted by Ronnie Apteker