Riding a Dead Horse

A friend sent me this. It was too good not to share:

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that: "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."

However, in government (and in corporate America) more advanced strategies are often employed ... such as:

1. Applying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living impaired.

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than live horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And of course my favourite ...

13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

The only way to eat an elephant …

In today’s fast world of easy come easy go, and of deal making and tenderpreneurship, it is not often you hear people talk about the fundamentals. This is one of the reasons the Heartlines NGO embarked on their storytelling journey with the “Nothing for Mahala” film.

I have been involved in many different ventures over the past 20 years. Some big, some small, some inspired, some silly, and some just getting started. The thing about every venture is that you need cash to pay the bills. Sure, the more modest you are, the more frugal, then the less cash you need. But there will always be accounts to settle. 

The financial objective of every business venture is to make a profit. That does not mean the mission can’t have a sense of purpose or make a difference, but profits do allow you to invest and grow. And that is the ultimate purpose: to continue.

The thing about profits is that they don’t need to be supersized. The best companies, in my view, grow organically. And they save some money for when times are tough, and they invest when things are good. One can never disrespect anyone who is doing an honest day’s work. And as for profits in a venture, well, I would rather build and struggle and make money over time than bend the rules and stretch the norms in the pursuit of inflated revenues. I can tell you all one thing: No one ever went broke from small profits.

The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

Old Jews Telling Jokes

One of the most heartwarming things is when my eccentric dad calls me up and tells me a Jewish joke. I always find those moments good for the soul.

Dad, I know you are not a big computer person, but when I come down to CT next, I must show you these ... you will love them!

I had to share these links here : Old Jews Telling Jokes are magical. Check these out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP2cxIkPT1s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GXI40bi9Ps

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg6xhMOH78A

There is nothing like the old school.

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

Who said talk is cheap … ?

Three weeks ago I got an iPhone. I am finally with it, well, you know. Also, I changed from MTN to Vodacom, as part of some corporate contract that was awarded or something like that. Who knows. One day I was on MTN and the next day it was Vodacom. I have been on MTN since the beginning. No jokes, I even have an MTN “212” number that only staff there received. It was given to me as a result of some IS work we did for them back in the day.

So, who cares about any of this … yes, exactly. But hang on, since I have been on the Vodacom network I have 10 times the number of dropped calls. Serious.

The iPhone thing is cool, and it looks pretty, but I have never had problems like this before with dropped calls. I am not the biggest cell phone person, and I had this ugly ‘ol Nokia for years and MTN had a few dropped calls every other day or so, but Vodacom is off the charts on the dropped call frontier.

People often say silly things like “Are you happy with you phone?” You know, if I get calls that tell me that I won the lottery then I am happy with the phone. And if I get a call to say my mom fell down the steps, then I am not happy with my phone. And yes, when I get dropped calls and can’t actually communicate then I am not happy with the phone. Of late I am battling to have a conversation because of all the dropped calls, and it is starting to cost me. It wastes time.

WTF ?!

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

May or may not ...

A lot could come together in the new month, which is around the corner. On the 15th we see the first rough cut of Nothing for Mahala. My gut feel is that it is gonna be a winner. Follow this here : http://www.facebook.com/nothingformahala - if all goes according to plan, this film should be out in cinemas in SA by the end of September.

Then, we are waiting for some key news on Material from India and the UK. Hopefully May will bring us a milestone or two. The movie has been on DSTV this past week and the response has been extraordinary. If you have seen the film and were inspired by what you saw, then please vote on IMDB : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1899240/

On the Vottle side, we will be trying something new in the month ahead. Let's hope it saves us some time.

May is gonna be action packed - bring it on!

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

Tonight is Material

Material is the movie of the week in SA. It is premiering on M-Net at 8 pm tonight. This is the first time that an SA movie, besides a Leon Schuster film, is going to be the M-Net movie of the week on this prime Sunday night slot.

I am about to go to the garage to fill up my car and to get the Sunday Times. Riaad Moosa is on the front cover of the Sunday Times' magazine ... yeah, Material is on the box tonight. The tweeting this week around this has been great. Tonight is definitely material.

We are still chipping away on the UK and India fronts. Making progress, slowly but surely. The film was out in cinemas here in SA over a year ago, but the journey is still continuing.

Viva Material viva.

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

A good story

A friend sent me this story below. I like it a lot. I am sure you will too. It is a story that makes you laugh but it also smacks of entrepreneurial flair and good 'ol chutzpah.

I am collecting stories like this, for a new text we are working on (Gus Silber and I). If you have any innovative and entertaining stories like this one below, then please send it on to me.

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

Posted by Ronnie Apteker