Love is a verb

I was busy downloading a virtual love letter cum greeting card from something called Blue Mountain when my phone rang. I was so excited to hear it was a dear friend of mine calling from America. "I can’t speak to you right now," she said. "But you just called me." I responded. Has all this technology made us stupid? I believe it has. It has also made us unromantic and expedient. Imagine a woman telling you she is crazy about you via some online virtual post-card. I mean, that must have taken a full 30 seconds of effort to send me. Come on, where is the romance in the digital age?

Isn’t love a verb? If it were really a noun then it would be implied that one could buy love, and we know this is not the case. Love requires action. And actions require time. Sending some an SMS message to wish them happy birthday lacks imagination. Virtual flowers. Keep ‘em. E-mail love letters. Forget it. And my all time favourite, the cellphone call from the car. Don’t bother. All of these are about convenience and love has never been about this. Where is the romance in this? Romance is about a journey, not a destination. Sipping a glass of wine as you glide a fountain pen on a piece of delicate writing paper is what makes the dance so worth while. Feeling the words, and thinking of how to put them together is what makes sending a letter so tender and loving. Spending quality time is what love is about. All this new technology has its place, but don’t fall into the trap of trivializing the most fundamental of human needs. Our souls need to express themselves. And sending someone you love an e-mail to share something precious with them is simply unromantic and boring. Efficient, yes, effective, no. Romance, love and passion are things that are meant to be rushed. True love is never-ending, so why the hurry?

I remember some lines from one of my favourite movies where the main character, a schoolteacher, asks his class why we read and write poetry. And he said, "We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion." Yes, it is cute to get an SMS message now and then, and yes, e-mail can be fun, and yes, cellphones can be wonderfully distracting, but they are not mediums of substance. Our teacher goes on to say, "Medicine, law, business, engineering – these are noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, art, romance, love – these are what we stay alive for."

What do you stay alive for? I can’t believe it is so that you can catch up on your emails and return all those missed calls. The most beautiful moments of my life are when my time has been filled with feelings of love and passion. Romance is what inspires me. Beauty is what excites me. And by beauty I am referring to more than just aesthetics. I love the beauty in an imaginative plan, a provocative letter, a naughty card, or a late night phone-call that lasts an hour. Life can truly feel beautiful when real time is given to you by someone you love. And real time is all to confused with real-time in this age of high-tech and low-patience.

Technology is not only being used as a poor vehicle for romance but it is also interrupting those who do in fact stick to the fundamentals. The next time someone takes you for a romantic dinner, switch your cellphone off, or better still, leave it behind. I often wonder if people in bed would take a cellphone call. Where do we draw the line? Yes, I am sure during love making they would not answer a ringing phone, but what about a few minutes afterwards, when our two lovers are lying there together, snuggling, and listening to each other’s heart’s beat. Do you answer your phone then? Is there no time for feeling? Is there no time for reflection? Is there simply no time, period?

Perhaps the problem is not one of a lack of romance in the world. Perhaps the problem is more about discipline. Learn to switch those phones off. Learn when not to send that email and instead wait to see him or her in the flesh. Love is about learning. And learning is what makes life so inspiring. So, try and learn to be stop being controlled by all these time saving technologies. Because, time is what you will soon run out of when you realize that life has passed you by and you did not have a chance to truly express yourself. Love is about expression. And this means using your imagination. We all have an imagination. Let’s use our imaginations more and make the world more decadent and romantic. We really need too in these mediocre times.

Posted by Ronnie Apteker