Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

A friend of mine sent this to me - I am still laughing - I had to share it:

I recently came back from a tour of duty in Afghanistan. Having not seen my wife for several months, I was looking forward to a night of hot passionate sex with her. Unfortunately she came out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her head, so I shot her.

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

Virtual toy

I was in London recently, doing some work, with Craig, my film making partner, on the Riaad Moosa journey.

We stayed a night in a cool high-tech hotel, and they told us that we had to go and see the new Apple store that just opened up in Covent Gardens. Like everyone else, Apple has captured my imagination, but I have never owned a Apple computer. So, off we went on Saturday early evening to explore this new geek haven. The placed was huge, and packed, and buzzing - I don't think the work "geek" here is entirely fair - this was one happening spot!

And then, I did it - I purchased an iPad, and as I sit here writing this blog (still on my trusty Sony Vaio) the Apple iPad is next to me, doing its thing. I frikken love it! Hey, I also love my Sony laptop, but this new tablet looking device from Apple is fascinating!

Also, I can't stop thinking about how the hotel made a point to send us to this shop. I am glad they did though. But, if the world biggest McDonald's opened up, who would care. When it comes to Apple, they have got under our skins. Amazing!

Remember those executive toys, that all of us over-grown business children, er, people, buy for our offices and our homes etc., well, that is what the iPad is all about - the ultimate executive toy - virtual executive toy! And more! You can download some really cool applications and before you know it you can be editing photographs, reading a PDF book, or playing some 3D game. But it also is a business tool - I mean, I have installed Skype on it, and I now have my email on the iPad too, and I can look at spreadsheets, read WORD DOCs, check out PowerPoint presentations, and more. And here is the best part: the battery seems to last all day (the battery is the killer app. in my view)!

At first I thought it was just a big iPhone, which is a fun phone. But this is a whole new level of magic!

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

When insults had class

A friend of mine sent this to me - this was too good not to share:

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language changed to 4-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." Oscar Wilde

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." John Bright

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination." Andrew Lang

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." Groucho Marx

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

2010 Leadership Summit

I was at the Discovery leadership conference this week, and I heard the talk from Johann Rupert. What he said really stood out for me.

I may have missed a few of his words here and there, but I got the gist. Here is what he shared with us:

After the first World War it was called it The Great War. It took another World War for it to be referred to as World War I and World War II.

We are now going through a serious global recession, and if the bankers and Wall Street fat cats continue to take their massive bonuses we will soon be calling this period the Great Depression II. The fat cat and banking bonuses of the past 10 years equals more than the amount of money the governments have had to put in for the recent bail outs that we keep hearing about in the world press. If all the bankers gave their bonuses back, we would not need the bail outs. And the problem at present is that the world's bankers and fat cats are not stopping with their greed.

In short, the Great Depression may be soon be called the Great Depression I and just now we will be entering the start of the Great Depression II.
I could not agree more Mr. Rupert, and I too am anxious about this.

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Worker’s Prayer

A friend of mine sent me this - I had to share it:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work...

12% on Monday.

23% on Tuesday.

40% on Wednesday.

20% on Thursday.

5% on Friday.

And help me to remember that when I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger! Amen.

Posted by Ronnie Apteker

Vending machines

I recently wrote a piece about having the chance to go out and prove yourself. The opportunity to build trust, and meaningful relationships.

Imagine a business opportunity where you could establish a big footprint and ultimately a valuable network, in a relatively short space of time, with a low cost of sale. And then it hit me - vending machines!

Think about it - big companies today very often have vending machines. They don't pay for these machines, and they are great time savers. A company typically gets a vending machine tucked away in a corner where it sells drinks and chocolates, and sometimes even sandwiches and pastries, and the vending machine company collects the revenues. Their responsibility is to look after the machine and keep it stocked up.

The model is quite simple - a vending machine company will install a machine where there is a lot of foot traffic. The company utilizing the machine typically does not pay for it, and they don't really have to look after it either. The vending machine company looks after their "shop" and everyone benefits in this win/win/win scenario.

About two weeks ago I arrived at a meeting and I was so thirsty, and voila, there was a vending machine in the lobby of the company I was visiting. I whipped out some coins and got an ice cold drink, and it felt good.

When I was very active at IS on the sales side, over a decade ago, I used to go and sell trust. Yes, the bandwidth we through in for free. Like the vending machine model, it is about trust, reliability and service. Now, on our LifeFundi journey we are offering corporates a virtual vending machine - we install it for no money, and our job is to keep it well stocked, well oiled, and exciting. Yes, we get a chance to prove ourselves and ultimately, we get the opportunity to build trust.

Looking after people is all about building trust, and at IS I was given an opportunity to do this, and today I enjoy many relationships because of my Internet journey. And now, with LifeFundi, and with Randgo, we are on another journey, and that is to look after people, and to build trust.

I vend therefore I am!

Posted by Ronnie Apteker